I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Sober January is a disaster.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
