I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
