I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
