Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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