umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
