i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
