Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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