Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm getting married
To pizza
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
