So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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