i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
