we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
These tits shall not be calmed
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
