I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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