She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
why do cheetos always look like penises
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
