he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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