there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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