Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
