NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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