my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
