I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
