Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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