well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
