so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
