I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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