I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
