somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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