Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
