I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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