What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
