Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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