i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
