I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
