I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
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All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
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My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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