you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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