we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
