The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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