What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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