Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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