i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
