I'd wear matching sweaters with you
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
