I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
