I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
