So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
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