Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
