Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
