i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
