is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
