I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
