GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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