Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
