Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
