Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
