Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
