After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
