When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
