How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Randomize
