At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
