wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
