She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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