One girl and one boy is just not enough.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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