allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
