i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
